the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
