the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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