So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
