I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
