Need sex. Gaining weight.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
