I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
