No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
