Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
