the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
