Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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