I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
