Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
