your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I look better un-naked...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
