sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
