Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
