Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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