I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
