She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
