just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
