Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
