The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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