New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize