proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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