He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
