I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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