she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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