life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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