I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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