i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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