my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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