how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
