Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
