; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
