Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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