Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
