no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
