I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
