Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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