it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
