remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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