she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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