if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You can't motorboat a personality
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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