Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
