Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
