i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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