you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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