I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
