Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
