I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
