yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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