woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
