Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
