I hate your face
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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