I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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