i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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