guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
