It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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